Christmas Light Stakes

I found ‘em! I found ‘em! That’s right, folks. After two long years of painful searching high and low (literally the high shelves and the low shelves and every shelf in between), I found those Christmas light stake thingies. You know the ones I’m talking about. Those stakes you put in the ground outside to line your sidewalk with bright lights. Santa’s runway. Just to help him out, you know. Make sure he has a safe sleigh landing at our house. We had searched at Home Depot and Lowe’s and Wal-Mart and CVS and Big Lots. No stakes to be found. Then, today on the way to the library from my morning flute lessons, a road I drive almost daily, I noticed an Elliot’s Hardware. Hm, I thought. That’s new. Maybe they’ll have the stakes. Fat chance, my cynical side sneered. No one has them. Still, a quick stop, a quick prayer, and I sludged out of the car into the cold on the never-ending search for the stakes. (Note: when in line all holly and jolly with my find, I asked the cashier when they opened. “Seven years ago,” he answered. Hm. Who knew?)
I walked into the store. Christmas decorations everywhere. It looked like an elf threw-up in there. Maybe, I thought, just maybe. And there, lit up with a Madonna halo, there were the Christmas stakes. Not just the plastic ones, but metal ones, too. Different shapes and sizes. I picked up the plastic ones. Cheaper, you know. But, after two long years of waiting and searching, after two years of migraines and broken hearts, why deny myself the longevity and stability of the metal stakes? Heck, I’m splurging. I’m paying the extra 2 bucks for the metal stakes.
I’m the happy elf.
I’m so happy, if I were Texan, which I’m not, I would spit.
Seeing as how I do not spit for any reason, I did the happy dance instead (can you hear me, Balki?). Then I called my husband to share the magnanimous news. Christmas light stakes! I got his voicemail. Sharing with the voicemail was not nearly as exciting as sharing with a live person. Still, my humor could not be squelched. I got in line. A bit slow, but undaunting. (Stop editing me. It is my prerogative to create new words.) We customers laughed together, full of jocularity.
Out the door with my new Christmas light stakes, I did a leprechaun sidekick and broke into Silver Bells. It was enough to put my in the Christmas spirit. Of course, it is the most wonderful time of the year, and we got our tree last night, a fat Douglas fir named Ralph. You’ll meet Ralph later this week. So Christmas spirit lurks in my very essence. Still, the Christmas light stakes brought out the Christmas spirit like the scent of brownies when you open that oven door.
I skipped all the way to the car then rushed home to tell you all my good news.
I still happened to notice at the red light that the car behind me didn’t have a driver. Oh, wait. The driver hid behind the steering wheel. I didn’t know that actually happened. Thought it was one of those hyperbolic granny jokes. Nope. Now I’ve seen a real live wheel-hider.
Merry Christmas!