Warranty Schmarranty

Chris is a yes person. He will always say yes. Hey, man, can you help me move? Yes. We’ve got a new HDTV on sale. Would you like to spend 3 million dollars to buy one? Yes. (Good thing he had his wife there to step in.) I, on the other hand, am a no girl, except for a few of my favorite things, of course. Would you like to lead- No. I don’t even have to know what it is. It just takes me a while to warm up to some things.
So a few weeks ago, when we bought my new car, Annie, we knew we would be seeing the bells and whistles guy. We agreed. I would stay strong.
B&W: Would you like to extend your warranty? It’s normally $1800, but for you guys, I’ll make it $1300.
[Apparently we’re a good looking couple.]
Me: No, thank you.
Chris: Tell me about it.
[Oy vey. Let the games begin.]
B&W: gibberish, gibberish, gibberish…
Chris: That sounds good.
Me: We don’t need it. Look at this list of things they won’t cover.
B&W: What type of work do you do?
Chris: Internet ministry.
B&W: Well, since you work for the internet, I can bring the price down to $1000.
[Huh?]
Me: Great, but we still don’t need it.
Chris: But, honey, look at-
Me: See that $1000? We can either use that to buy this extended nonsensical warranty, or it can go towards an HDTV.
[Shot through the heart, and you’re too late. B&W knows he’s met his match.]
B&W: But yada yada yada and you need it because blah blah blah.
Me: So you’re telling me that we are buying a car that the manufacturers plan on breaking down?
B&W: Well, no. Of course not, but just in case.
Me: Uh-huh.
Chris: It might be a good idea.
Me: [To B&W] Please don’t take this personally. I know you are just trying to do your job and sell this.
B&W: I’m not trying to sell anything.
[Uh-huh. And I’ve never dreamt of singing on Broadway.]
Me: [To Chris] Sweetie [We use pet names a lot – never thought I’d be the pet name type of person, but I am. It’s even worse. Most of the time, I call him Baby.] Sweetie, even if we buy the warranty, they will find every reason to not cover something. It’s like any type of insurance. We’ll have to jump through hoops that have been set on fire on the backs of poodles. [I give myself extra points for the poodle reference.]
We walked out with the warranty, I’m ashamed to say. You can cancel it within the first 30 days and get a full refund (except for a “reshelving” fee). B&W, when I asked if one or both signatures are necessary for the refund, told me one, but, with fear in his eyes, said I shouldn’t cancel it without my husband’s knowledge.
So we get the paperwork the other day. Chris looks at it and says something to the affect: “This warranty doesn’t cover anything.” Really?