22 January 2007

Warranty Schmarranty

Chris is a yes person. He will always say yes. Hey, man, can you help me move? Yes. We’ve got a new HDTV on sale. Would you like to spend 3 million dollars to buy one? Yes. (Good thing he had his wife there to step in.) I, on the other hand, am a no girl, except for a few of my favorite things, of course. Would you like to lead- No. I don’t even have to know what it is. It just takes me a while to warm up to some things.
So a few weeks ago, when we bought my new car, Annie, we knew we would be seeing the bells and whistles guy. We agreed. I would stay strong.
B&W: Would you like to extend your warranty? It’s normally $1800, but for you guys, I’ll make it $1300.
[Apparently we’re a good looking couple.]
Me: No, thank you.
Chris: Tell me about it.
[Oy vey. Let the games begin.]
B&W: gibberish, gibberish, gibberish…
Chris: That sounds good.
Me: We don’t need it. Look at this list of things they won’t cover.
B&W: What type of work do you do?
Chris: Internet ministry.
B&W: Well, since you work for the internet, I can bring the price down to $1000.
Me: Great, but we still don’t need it.
Chris: But, honey, look at-
Me: See that $1000? We can either use that to buy this extended nonsensical warranty, or it can go towards an HDTV.
[Shot through the heart, and you’re too late. B&W knows he’s met his match.]
B&W: But yada yada yada and you need it because blah blah blah.
Me: So you’re telling me that we are buying a car that the manufacturers plan on breaking down?
B&W: Well, no. Of course not, but just in case.
Me: Uh-huh.
Chris: It might be a good idea.
Me: [To B&W] Please don’t take this personally. I know you are just trying to do your job and sell this.
B&W: I’m not trying to sell anything.
[Uh-huh. And I’ve never dreamt of singing on Broadway.]
Me: [To Chris] Sweetie [We use pet names a lot – never thought I’d be the pet name type of person, but I am. It’s even worse. Most of the time, I call him Baby.] Sweetie, even if we buy the warranty, they will find every reason to not cover something. It’s like any type of insurance. We’ll have to jump through hoops that have been set on fire on the backs of poodles. [I give myself extra points for the poodle reference.]
We walked out with the warranty, I’m ashamed to say. You can cancel it within the first 30 days and get a full refund (except for a “reshelving” fee). B&W, when I asked if one or both signatures are necessary for the refund, told me one, but, with fear in his eyes, said I shouldn’t cancel it without my husband’s knowledge.
So we get the paperwork the other day. Chris looks at it and says something to the affect: “This warranty doesn’t cover anything.” Really?


Brad Whittington said...

Thanks for stopping by the Wunderfool blog. OverheardInTheOffice is one of my favorites, although the incidence of adult material increased immediately after I posted it. Think there's a link, there?

By the way, we bought the warranty. But here's a weird thing: Saturn has a deal where you buy the warranty, but if you don't use it, you get your money back. So they basically say, "Let us hold your $1,500 for 6 years. Then we'll give it back." Weird, huh?

I see you and I share an appreciation for Lisa Samson's work, especially "The Living End" and "Straight Up", although I list "The Living End" higher. Although I only read "Straight Up" in an early draft and haven't read the released version, yet.

Check out the FredBooks, let me know what you think.

Jeanne Damoff said...

Love the poodles. Nice touch.

George and I are both basically "no" people when it comes to fancy warranties. Except when we bought our last laptop. And that worked out great, b/c the hard drive had a fatal flaw that didn't show its face for a while. Dell replaced it for free.

The Fred books are awesome! Definitely check them out.

Pamela said...

Oh I don't like car salesmen.

We did buy a warranty once and we were sap happy we did. The transmision went kaput and it was totally covered by the warranty.

Claudia said...

What a funny story!! hehehe...great read.
I am a sucker...I don't know if it's because I'm gullible or I just don't want to sit there and argue!! However, I will say that I will probably stick with new cars from now on. I've had way too much trouble with used...what? the bolt on the timing belt is broken? well, we never checked that...

L.L. Barkat said...

I'm a no person too. Of course, I've been very pleased that my spouse has taken advantage of our car warranty five times already.

btw, this was a very amusing post!

Heather said...

By the way, looks like we're keeping the warranty. Just in case...

San said...

Are you my twin? Is Chris my hubby's twin? I'm a no-girl and he's a yes-man. Oy!

Your post made me laugh out loud. :) Como se dice, "I totally identify"?